What My Pickleball Meltdown Taught Me About Trying to Lose Weight

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If you’re trying to lose weight in perimenopause or menopause, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about food, protein, exercise, hormones, sleep, and whether you’re doing everything right. All of those things matter, but there’s another piece of the weight loss puzzle we can’t ignore: our mindset.

God reminded me of that recently in a place I wasn't expecting—the pickleball court. I had one of those moments where I could feel myself getting angry, I knew my attitude was going downhill, and instead of stopping it, I just let it go. A few days later, I was reading Romans 8 and one phrase jumped out at me: we are no longer obligated to live according to our old nature. That word obligated got my attention because an obligation is something you owe. I realized I don't owe my old patterns another response just because they show up. 

What Pickleball Taught Me About Mindset

I have this little problem when I play pickleball against my husband. I get ridiculously competitive. During this particular game, he kept driving the ball at me, questioned a call, and I started taking everything personally. I could feel my attitude changing. I wasn't having fun anymore, my thoughts were getting negative, and yes, there may have been some stomping around the court involved. 

The interesting part is that I knew it was happening. There was a point when I could have stopped myself, but I didn't. Eventually I calmed down, apologized, repented, and talked to the Lord about it. When I later read Romans 8, I realized I wasn't powerless in that moment. Just because I've responded this way before doesn't mean I have to keep responding this way. 

And that's when I started thinking about how often we do the exact same thing with our health.

Want to Lose Weight? Your Feelings Don't Have to Be the Boss

Think about how many decisions we make because of how we feel. I'm tired, so I'm not going to work out. The scale hasn't moved, so obviously this isn't working. I ate something I hadn't planned, so I might as well keep eating. I hate how my belly looks. I've tried so hard and nothing changes.

Those feelings can be strong, especially in midlife. Your sleep may be terrible. Your hormones are changing. Your energy may not be what it used to be, and your body may not respond to the same things that worked in your 30s. You may have been faithfully making changes for months and still feel frustrated when you get dressed in the morning. I'm not asking you to pretend those feelings aren't real. 

But here's the question I've been thinking about: When did the feeling become the boss?

Romans 8:14 talks about being led by the Spirit of God. I love the word led because it doesn't sound like forcing, white-knuckling, or beating ourselves into submission. Being Spirit-led gives us an opportunity to recognize what we're feeling without automatically allowing that feeling to determine what we do next.

Your Mindset Affects What You Do Next

This becomes incredibly practical when you're trying to lose weight after 40. Maybe you step on the scale and you're up two pounds. Before you've even finished brushing your teeth, your mind is already telling you, Nothing is working. Why do I even bother? I've been trying so hard.

That thought creates discouragement, and discouragement affects your next decision. Maybe you skip your walk, stop planning your meals, start grazing in the afternoon, or decide you'll just start again Monday. Then you look at what happened and think, See? I knew I couldn't stay consistent. That's the cycle I want us to learn how to interrupt. 

Instead of immediately believing every thought that pops into our heads, we can stop and ask, What is true? What is helpful? What does God's Word say? Holy Spirit, how are You leading me right now? That doesn't mean the frustration instantly disappears. It means the frustration doesn't automatically get to make the next decision.

You Don't Have to Hate Your Body Into Changing

I especially want you to hear this if you're frustrated with your body. Some of us have spent years looking in the mirror and saying things to ourselves that we would never say to another woman: Look at this belly. How did I let myself get here? Why can't I lose this weight? I hate my arms. I don't even recognize myself.

Then we turn around and expect ourselves to lovingly take care of the same body we've been criticizing all day. We don't have to do that. Wanting to lose stubborn belly fat, build muscle, get stronger, have more energy, and feel good in your clothes are perfectly reasonable goals. But we don't have to hate our bodies into getting there.

We can learn to steward our bodies instead. We can nourish them, eat our protein, pick up the weights, walk, prioritize sleep, and learn what our changing bodies need in midlife. We can pursue fat loss while remembering that our body isn't the enemy we're fighting. 

The Mindset Shift That Helps You Stop Starting Over

One of the biggest mindset traps I see with women trying to lose weight is all-or-nothing thinking. If I can't do it perfectly, why bother? If I didn't follow my plan today, I'll start tomorrow. If I messed up this meal, I might as well enjoy the weekend and start again Monday.

But maybe today's best decision is much smaller than that. Maybe it's drinking your water, making a protein-centered breakfast, taking a 10-minute walk, picking up your weights for 15 minutes, or going to bed earlier. Maybe it's simply refusing to turn one unplanned meal into an unplanned weekend. 

Those choices don't feel dramatic, but our health is built through the accumulation of those decisions. It's not one perfect week or one perfect month. It's making one supportive decision and then another and another.

That's what I wish I had done on that pickleball court. I felt the anger coming, and next time I want to recognize that moment sooner and respond differently. We can practice the same thing with our health. When the thought comes—Forget the workout. You've already messed up. Nothing is going to change. I'll start Monday—we can recognize it without shame and ask, "Holy Spirit, how are You leading me right now?"

Maybe the answer is putting weights in your hands. Maybe it's eating the meal you planned. Maybe you're genuinely exhausted and the wiser choice is a short walk and an earlier bedtime. That's still taking care of your body.

You don't need enough motivation for your entire weight loss journey today. You just need the grace to make the next decision, and then the next one. Romans 8 reminds us that we aren't obligated to keep repeating the same old patterns. We have another choice, and praise God, we don't have to make it alone.